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Breaking Out of My Mind Prison

When the circus gets a baby elephant, they put enormous shackles on that it can’t get out of. As that elephant grows and grows, those shackles are useless to its physical strength, but the elephant doesn’t know that. The elephant has learned that it can’t escape them so it doesn’t even try. That elephant is imprisoned by its own limiting beliefs.

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This is something I’ve been working on with myself A LOT. After a very long career of helping people in a non-profit human services setting to gain independence after realizing physical, mental health, and emotional “disabilities” I realized I could be of more value if I got to these people before so many of their issues became a reality. So many small shifts could prevent these huge problems, and I felt compelled (a calling) to provide this.

So I did it (with a little push from the universe). I began my business to provide health coaching and education to heal people’s lives. What I didn’t realize was that this would challenge me in a way I had never experienced before. I did not realize I had limiting beliefs about money and career that would make me spin around uselessly for quite some time.

I learned that if your thoughts and beliefs aren’t in alignment, you produce inconsistent action. So while I’m thinking “I will help people while earning an income with my own business”, my deep down belief (subconscious) was saying “Ha ha, loser! You can’t have financial security working for yourself AND you certainly can’t make money doing work you love. If we all did what we love, it would be called PLAY and not WORK”

So, it seemed my subconscious is sort of an a-hole. Great.

The other thing I learned is that when your thoughts (conscious) and beliefs (subconscious) are at war, the subconscious always wins (a-hole).

Then I started paying attention around me, and I saw mind prisons everywhere. When I teach kids to dance, they will try any move you demonstrate until around the age of 5. That’s when the dooming “I can’t” seems to dominate their every (lack of) effort. Not only that, but as soon as one child is exposed to that airborne “I can’t” the contagion spreads to them, and then they “can’t” either.

It’s in every part of our life, every problem we feel.

Health – Someone wants to have good health, but their belief is that their family has a long history of health problems (blood pressure, diabetes, etc) so they will have it too. With that mindset, every attempt that person makes to get healthy becomes sabotaged.

Love – unlucky in love, don’t deserve love

Finance – only the 1% can have an abundance of money, rich people are jerks

Self-care – it’s selfish to take time for yourself, mothers should sacrifice themselves for their family

The list goes on.

Another thing I learned is that these self-limiting beliefs were given to us usually in childhood from teachings we received, from media, and from our education system. They are buried so deep, that we often don’t even realize that they are there. I didn’t. It just seems that every time you make an effort it is met with failure.

It took tremendous work on my part to uncover my limiting beliefs. As a dancer and mover, that is my outlet for healing. Gabrielle Roth, founder of 5 Rhythms, said “to calm the mind, move the body”. So that’s what I did. I began dancing each of my chakras, massaging them, doing mantras, meditation. I expected to learn my root chakra was the one troubling me. Finances are a big part of feeling stable, and grounded, which is what the root chakra represents. However, as I moved along through the sacral chakra, then to the solar plexus chakra – WHOA, suddenly I had goose bumps and chills all over, and realized my struggle was more about feeling like I didn’t deserve success in my life. After clearing my mind through movement, I would journal. Sometimes I would journal with no topic – just free writing, other times I would write about a topic specific to the chakra. Every session revealed to me something new, something I had no idea was there.

Now I had found it! – My mind prison. But how do I break out? There was more work to be done. I had to change my subconscious. How in the world do you do that?freedom

I had to start with managing my emotions. Stay out of the dark side, and have faith – faith that I am not alone, faith that I am secure, faith that I am looked after, faith that I will be saved from drowning. Basically, I was staying away from stress, doubt, worry, discouragement, and any other low vibration emotion. This was coupled with positive expectations, goal cards, mind movies, continued chakra dance, movement, and journaling. I got help and accountability from coaches, mentors, and my tribe. And, I still continue to invest in myself and do this work because I don’t accept that I should be limited.

All of this is actually what gave birth to The Have It All Method movement and coaching program. I had so many breakthroughs, realizations, epiphanies, tears, smiles, laughs,and healing moments to break my tiny little shackles that I wanted other people to find their freedom too. After all, the whole reason I started this journey was to help people.

What is your limiting belief?

To learn more about making the shift from doing it all to HAVING IT ALL visit www.kalusion.com

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Cleaning & Clearing

I am still in the midst of a major spring cleaning of my home and myself. I have already donated about 5 garbage bags filled with things that I really don’t need at this time, passing them on to someone else that can really use them, and opening space in my life for what I need right now

I wasn’t always so good about clearing things out, and still work at it, as I have a tendency to create emotional attachments to things. My most obvious lesson came from a pair of pajama bottoms stowing away in my closet some time ago. They sat at the bottom of my drawer because I really didn’t like them, there was nothing wrong with them, I just didn’t like them. However, I refused to get rid of them, opting to keep them as a “just in case” pair of bottoms. Yet every time I would get to the bottom of the drawer and see those dang things peeking back at me, I’d grimace at them and throw in a load of laundry just to avoid them (which is really saying something). Finally, I said enough is enough, I don’t care if there’s nothing wrong with them, I’m getting rid of them. I’m not really a shopper, so to replace them brings thoughts of digging through racks of clothing, blah, but whatever, I wasn’t wearing them anyway. I kid you not, the next day I was walking through the store because I had to pick up something for my son, and as I walked by the women’s pajama department, an adorable pair of pajama bottoms screamed out at me “pick me” from their spot on the rack. I ran right over to them, grabbed them, and was on my way. There was no miserable shopping and digging for a new pair, and I wear them all the time, I love them and how comfy they are. It was as if, I couldn’t have them until I made room for them. While I know pajama bottoms are not exactly spiritual enlightenment, they were definitely a lesson towards my growth.

What are you holding onto that is blocking you from what you really want?

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I Love Me! – 4 Ways to Rekindle Your Love Affair with Yourself

Just in time for February’s celebration of love, we take a look at your first love – YOU! If you feel like you’ve lost that loving feeling, here are some ways to rekindle your love affair with yourself.

Self-Love

1. Compliment yourself daily

At the beginning of your day, when you look in the mirror to brush your teeth or fix your hair, pay yourself a compliment.

I mean it. Tell yourself you look beautiful Inside & Out, that you are amazing, that your hair looks great today, anything complimentary that comes to mind.

This is one of those areas where I tell people “fake it ‘til you make it”. If you feel like a complete fraud doing this, don’t quit, keep at it until it does feel authentic. See? “fake it ‘til you make it”

If you can’t accept compliments from yourself, how can you accept compliments from others?
Why shouldn’t you be able to accept compliments from yourself or others? You are pretty amazing after all.

2. Do at least one thing each day just for you, that is NOT food related

Why not food related? I have noticed that so many of us have been conditioned to reward ourselves with sweets – great job, let’s go out for ice cream! In most cases, this contradicts your health and wellness goals, and instead of feeling rewarded you feel guilty, or self-defeated.

This is a goal I included on my vision board. Women tend to be busy taking care of everyone else that we forget ourselves. Many times you get to the end of the day realizing you haven’t done anything for yourself.

It can be as simple as giving yourself a lotion foot rub, or as elaborate as treating yourself to a spa day. Whether you take 5 min or 5 hours, breathe and enjoy the time.

3. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones

That voice in your head can be a real a-hole sometimes. No one should be spoken to that way, including you.

The first step is to catch those thoughts as soon as they bellow inside your mind, the next step is to negate them with a positive thought. This may require more of that “fake it ‘til you make it” attitude, but eventually you will feel authentic in this too. Once you start believing in how amazing you really are, look out world!

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”

― Mahatma Gandhi

4. Make affirmation cards

When you are retaining new knowledge you use flash cards. Use that same practice to retain positive new habits for yourself.

Make “take-a-long” cards with affirmations you create for yourself. Draw or cut out inspirational pictures for them. They can be as simple or elaborate as you’d like. Crafters feel free to “go nuts” here.

When you need a pick-me-up, or just can’t think of a statement to negate that mean voice in your head, use your affirmation cards.

 

Get started right now on loving yourself. I wish you a day, month, year, and lifetime filled with love!

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THANK A HEALTH COACH

It’s Health Coach Week!

If you have been one of the privileged to receive direct services from a health coach, you probably know how invaluable they are.
Health coaches are experienced in guiding you through the endless diet and lifestyle plans out there to help you target the one that is right for you, and they are your accountability partner so you will achieve the success that often doesn’t come about when you are on your own and overwhelmed.

Many people believe they only need a health coach if they are in extremely poor health, or just don’t know how to take care of themselves, but the truth is health coaches are as unique as the situations that come up. Some help with children struggling to eat well or eat at all, some help physical imbalances, some help emotional imbalances, some educate, some give presentations, some start community projects, and the list goes on.

Unfortunately, the way of eating most of us learned growing up was not conducive for sustaining long term health. Our health care system has become backed into a corner of putting band aids on the leaks in a dam. We take a pill to correct an imbalance, which causes another imbalance, and another pill. Our children are the first generation of children predicted to have a shorter life span than their parents.

There is still a great deal of change that needs to happen.

Health coaches are the silent warriors working to make this change, often times behind the scenes. Some have pursued legislative change, some have pursued community change, and some educate the masses.
So even if you have not received health coaching directly, chances are you have been indirectly affected by a health coach. This is their week, give them a thanks.

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Health Coaches Stand Out!
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Feeling Authentic In Your Gratitude Practice

Happy Gratitude Month

I love November when we seem to give all of our blessings some extra attention no matter where we are in our journey. However, some days everything is breaking down including your family members, and it’s more of a struggle to feel authentic being grateful. That’s when I like to use “even if” statements or intention statements. These statements directly address that little negative voice in the back of your head, and neutralize it. So on a particular day your intention statement may be “I am grateful for the ability to provide safe transportation for my family, even if it just took a major bite out of my budget” or “I am grateful for my beautiful children, even if they drive me crazy sometimes”. Experiment with your own intention statements to see if they feel more genuine to you. Remember that with any practice the more you do, the better it becomes.Hope

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The Best Gift a Mom Can Give

relaxing oilsI often prescribe self-care to Mom’s. I post Facebook statuses ad nauseam instructing women to nurture and love themselves. I have even jokingly gone so far as to make someone confirm that they would with a yes ma’am. Yet, I still get the glazed over, yeah sure okay response from most women. Then recently, my husband was looking at my Valentine’s Day posts urging women to remember to love themselves for the holiday. He said to me so simply and brilliantly “explain why”. Hand to forehead moment, of course.
So, I get it. I’m a mom and in the course of the day you have to meet a lot of people’s needs; children, spouse, boss, co-workers, teachers, and on and on. You are like a well-oiled machine; you have to be to get everything done and to fit it all in 24 hours. Not to mention, the world around you tends to be a little more expecting of moms to get it all done for their family and a little less forgiving if they miss a beat. Usually, there is very little time left over to indulge in luxuries for yourself, and if there is, you are so high-wired the best you can do is a glass of wine at the end of the day. Does this sound at all familiar?
I’m going to explain to you why it is not only essential for you to put yourself at the top of your priority list, but why it selfish not to.
1. You teach the world how to treat you
Translation, if you are constantly putting yourself last, what are you teaching those around you? If you get frustrated that your family isn’t treating you as you’d expect them to, it could be what you taught them. Part of our job as parents is teaching our children how to get along in this world. We should be teaching them to honor their mothers, as is done in many other cultures, not expecting them to appreciate martyrdom. No one does. By teaching our daughters to honor their mothers, we teach them to love and respect themselves as well, and we teach our sons to take care of themselves and one day love and respect their future partners. Children model our behavior, showing them to nurture themselves sets them up for a lifetime of good mental and physical health. It’s actually selfish not to give your children this gift.

2. A good habit does not just happen after 20 years of pushing it aside
I’ll take care of myself when the kids get older, or when the kids move out, or when the kids have kids. The start date continues to get pushed back until it’s just you. The kids have their own families taking up their time now. What now? Why do you think empty nest syndrome hits so hard? Everyone thinks it’s easy to just start taking care of themselves when they need to, that it will naturally kick in. When you have told your mind and body for 20 or more years to ignore doing something, it doesn’t just start doing it with the flip of a switch.

This is actually a scenario that has become really personal. A family member unexpectedly lost her husband a few years ago. All of her children were long gone with families of their own. They all wanted to support her in any way they could. She resisted all of their efforts not wanting to be a burden. At the time, this woman was beautiful, healthy, and vibrant. She did yoga and ate well. However, not being prepared for the scenario of suddenly being alone, and not knowing what to do, she chose to give up. This same woman, just three short years later, lays bed-ridden barely speaking, with a tube in her nose to provide sustenance despite no medical problems. I can’t even think about this without tearing up. Many will dismiss this as an extreme case that can’t happen to them, but the truth is she was no different than most of us and you have no idea how you will respond until you are in the situation. We have no guarantees in life, but by practicing to take care of ourselves even just a little each day, we prepare ourselves to take care of ourselves when we really need to. Imagine how difficult it would be for your family to see you deteriorate when it’s totally preventable. Preventing this is an amazing gift to give your family.

3. You are freakin’ worth it
Sorry I didn’t mean to get vulgar there ;-), but think about you and your life, and the person you are, and the kindness and love that you give. Don’t you deserve to feel as amazing as you make everyone else feel? Besides that, how can you keep giving love if you aren’t replenishing it from within? Depending on others to provide you with the love and nurturing you need can be a dangerous game, and lead you to co-dependent, unhealthy relationships. Start showing yourself the kindness and love you deserve.

Great I’m convinced, how do I do it? For everyone it will be a little different. If you are still working on feeling worthy, I want you to spend a couple of minutes every day in the mirror making eye contact with yourself. Tell yourself out loud: I love you, you are amazing, you deserve everything you desire from this life, or whatever else comes to mind, but you get the idea. It may feel awkward at first. Have you ever heard the saying “fake it ‘til you make it”? That’s what you are going to do here. Just do it until it feels authentic, and you can really look yourself in the eyes, say these beautiful things and mean it.
Also find moments in your every day, to capture for yourself. Sit and relax with a cup of tea, stop at a favorite store, read a chapter or article, get a massage, whatever gives you enjoyment. Even if it’s only a few minutes each day, eventually you will get so good at this that you will start pursuing hobbies and activities that fulfill you without feeling the least bit guilty about it. As we have already covered, you should not feel guilty, you should feel proud of the lesson you are teaching.
If you have trouble with this, don’t feel bad, its hard work to break a bad habit, and its hard work to start a good habit. Get an accountability partner, someone who will check in on your progress without judgment, or work with a holistic wellness coach (make sure they use a holistic approach). A well trained wellness coach or adviser is trained to support you without judgment, give you individualized progressive goals, and give you the tough love you need to hold you accountable so you are successful. No more excuses, no more saying I don’t have enough time. There is always enough time for what’s important. Make this important. Let me get a “yes ma’am”!
Good.
Gotta go, if you need me I’ll be in the mirror.

relax, body, soul

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Give Yourself the Gift of Love On Valentine’s Day and All Year Through

I hope you had a wonderful Valentine weekend filled with love. One of the simplest, but often most overlooked ways to receive an abundance of love in your life is to start by loving yourself. You teach others how to treat you by the way you treat yourself. If you condemn yourself with negative self talk, and don’t take any time to nourish yourself physically, emotionally, or spiritually than the people around you will follow your lead. Show everyone how to show you kindness and love. It is not a selfish act to take care of yourself. It is quite the opposite. When you fill yourself with positive loving energy it exudes from you onto others, and is quite contagious. That’s a contagion that no one minds catching. Start right now! Look at yourself directly in the mirror, and say one kind thing to yourself, and then tell yourself I Love You!