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Replacing two little words can change your life

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When I teach dance, there is a strict rule in my class – never say “I can’t”.

At 3 or 4 years of age, little ones will explore and imitate movements and actions. They giggle happily, and if they don’t do it perfectly they giggle some more. Somewhere around 5 or 6, the dreaded “I can’t” begins to creep its way into their vocabulary. It hasn’t taken over yet, but it gives them some pause. At 8, “I can’t” is a dooming force that precedes almost everything new. As soon as something seems challenging, a child will exclaim “I can’t”. In my classes this is always met with a chorus of kids saying “oooooohhhhh” as if a bad word has been spoken, because it has. At this age, I have to offer coaching to get the child to truly give it a try. We replace “I can’t” with “I can do my best”, and remember that learning a new skill requires practice, so perfection is not expected.

Recently I taught a kids conditioning class where two teams of kids raced through an obstacle course to get to the soccer ball first and kick it through the cones. Sounded easy until I told them they had to do the whole course while balancing a bean bag on their heads. The 5-7 year old group was a little taken aback, but they went for it, and did a great job. The 8 and up age group immediately shut down, they didn’t think they could do it, and didn’t want to try. Some kids actually sat down and refused to participate. We went through with the activity as planned. The kids were dropping their bean bags constantly, and getting more and more frustrated. They were reinforcing their initial belief of “I can’t”. By the time everyone had their turn, most of the group was very upset and complaining about the activity. Once again, this age group required some coaching. We talked about replacing “I can’t” with “I can do my best”. Then we discussed the worst case scenario.

What is the worst thing that can happen? i-can

The bean bag will fall off my head.

What happens then?

Pick it up, and keep going.

Is this a big deal?

No.

Lastly, we talked about not taking ourselves so seriously. This is supposed to be fun, so let go, and have some fun. They decided to give it another chance. This time they really tried. The difference was amazing. They did such a better job, and they actually had fun.

We are programmed to avoid failure. It ensures the survival of our species. However, if we are not planning to out run a lion then this fear factor generally doesn’t serve our best interest, and actually prevents us from reaching our true potential.

Have you ever stopped yourself from giving it all before you even started? I know I have; many times. By breaking down blocks and beliefs buried deep down in my subconscious, I have been able to open myself to so many more opportunities. This summer when we had the opportunity to move our family to a new state, leave our community of 20 years, and start all over again my knee jerk reaction was a bit of a pull back – we can’t do that. Why can’t we do that? It will probably be hard. So? What worth having isn’t hard? So we went for it, and are so happy we did. Was it easy? No, but what worth having is? It took a lot of work to reset my mindset and subconscious beliefs to get to this point, but it sure is exciting and gratifying to fully live life.

Be on the lookout for your “I can’ts”. They come in many disguises “it’s not possible”, “I don’t know enough”, “limited resources”, and so on. Then begin to imagine what it would be like to be those kids with the bean bags. Replace “I can’t” with “I can do my best”. Conquer perfection paralysis by picking up that dropped bean bag, and keep going. Enjoy yourself and the moments, and don’t take yourself so seriously.

One of the kids in the class decided that she would dance around like a fluffy, pink unicorn on a rainbow cloud so that she didn’t take herself so seriously. That seems like sound advice to me, give it a try 🙂

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Who Says Women Can’t Have It All?

A Google search for “women CAN have it all” reveals a  multitude of results staring back at you that say “women CAN’T have it all”.

This is the message we have been given, often from a very early age along with other limiting messages that have prevented us from becoming our authentic selves. While these statements seem harmless, they shape our subconscious beliefs. Then when we try to accomplish the so-called impossible, that subconscious belief sabotages success, and provides you with a life experience that further fuels that negative subconscious belief. It becomes a vicious circle, and very difficult to break.

Once upon a time I received a new table. It had leaves that extended the size of the table, and I was told that both leaves had to be extended at the same time, that it was not possible to extend only one side. For years I used the table, and countless times I wished that I could extend only one side for the perfect size, but I tolerated the table either too big or too small until one day I extended only one leaf, and it worked. I couldn’t believe I had never even tried for all that time.

I realize the table is a pretty simple matter, but for me it represented so much more. How many times had I just accepted what I was told, and gave up? What other things had I not even tried?

You can’t do the work you love, otherwise it would be called play.

Having your own business means endless work hours with little rewards.

Dancing is a hobby, not employment.

You’re not cut-throat enough to be successful in business.

Life is hard.

I always had a tendency to speak my mind, yet I was very obedient. In my quest to constantly “do the right thing” I found myself not achieving the results I wanted. I thought for sure that I must need to work harder, and so I did. Yet still not getting those rewards. In fact now I was sacrificing my family time, which sort of defeated the purpose. I pursued training and coaching to be told that I was doing everything I should, and I should expect my success, but still it didn’t come. That’s when I started The Have It All Method ™. Of course, then it wasn’t wrapped up in a neat little package. Through exploration, I was able to identify very specific and effective techniques that allowed me to improve my health holistically, tackle fears and subconscious beliefs, and gain clarity on what I actually wanted instead of fulfilling expectations.

Since that time, I have accomplished things I never believed that I would. I fulfilled my childhood dream of becoming a dance instructor, I left the comfort of regular paychecks and benefits to have my own business, and I began a new chapter of my life by picking up and moving with my family to a new place that we had quietly yearned to go to for some time. At one time, I never would have grasped these opportunities when they presented themselves. I would have let them go, telling myself things like I don’t know enough, or it would be too difficult. Not to mention, I would not have realized how important these things were for me, yet I found myself fulfilling my dreams, having a family life, and dare I say doing well. I’m not suggesting that everyone run out to become a dance teacher, but lets find out what your true passion is and how to support it mind, body, and spirit.

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I Love Me! – 4 Ways to Rekindle Your Love Affair with Yourself

Just in time for February’s celebration of love, we take a look at your first love – YOU! If you feel like you’ve lost that loving feeling, here are some ways to rekindle your love affair with yourself.

Self-Love

1. Compliment yourself daily

At the beginning of your day, when you look in the mirror to brush your teeth or fix your hair, pay yourself a compliment.

I mean it. Tell yourself you look beautiful Inside & Out, that you are amazing, that your hair looks great today, anything complimentary that comes to mind.

This is one of those areas where I tell people “fake it ‘til you make it”. If you feel like a complete fraud doing this, don’t quit, keep at it until it does feel authentic. See? “fake it ‘til you make it”

If you can’t accept compliments from yourself, how can you accept compliments from others?
Why shouldn’t you be able to accept compliments from yourself or others? You are pretty amazing after all.

2. Do at least one thing each day just for you, that is NOT food related

Why not food related? I have noticed that so many of us have been conditioned to reward ourselves with sweets – great job, let’s go out for ice cream! In most cases, this contradicts your health and wellness goals, and instead of feeling rewarded you feel guilty, or self-defeated.

This is a goal I included on my vision board. Women tend to be busy taking care of everyone else that we forget ourselves. Many times you get to the end of the day realizing you haven’t done anything for yourself.

It can be as simple as giving yourself a lotion foot rub, or as elaborate as treating yourself to a spa day. Whether you take 5 min or 5 hours, breathe and enjoy the time.

3. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones

That voice in your head can be a real a-hole sometimes. No one should be spoken to that way, including you.

The first step is to catch those thoughts as soon as they bellow inside your mind, the next step is to negate them with a positive thought. This may require more of that “fake it ‘til you make it” attitude, but eventually you will feel authentic in this too. Once you start believing in how amazing you really are, look out world!

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”

― Mahatma Gandhi

4. Make affirmation cards

When you are retaining new knowledge you use flash cards. Use that same practice to retain positive new habits for yourself.

Make “take-a-long” cards with affirmations you create for yourself. Draw or cut out inspirational pictures for them. They can be as simple or elaborate as you’d like. Crafters feel free to “go nuts” here.

When you need a pick-me-up, or just can’t think of a statement to negate that mean voice in your head, use your affirmation cards.

 

Get started right now on loving yourself. I wish you a day, month, year, and lifetime filled with love!